I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
