I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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