This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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