I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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