she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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