started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
