i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
