anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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