Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
