True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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