I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
