her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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