did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
