tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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