So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
