I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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