I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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