Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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