you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
