I got chris browned last night
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dignity is for republicans.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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