Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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