OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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