I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
