I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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