My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
