all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
