Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
