Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize