His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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