my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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