I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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