why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
