Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
