and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She bit a glass in half.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
