My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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