..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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