I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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