HIV tests are more positive than that guy
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
