shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
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We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
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Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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