worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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