Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
