I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
