you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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