I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
