we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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