I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
