youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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