You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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