I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
