im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
