dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
