you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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