I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize