If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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