We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
