A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
