Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
