Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
