census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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