I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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