i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
