If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
