I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
