Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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