You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
