Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
