i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
