I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
