you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
