Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
