The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
