so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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