mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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