You're my little dorito
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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